The Many Faceted Dean Winchester, Super Hero
by T.R. Normandin
Summary: Kids are the best? You don't even like kids! When Sam reconsiders this proposition, it brings him to an epiphany about his relationship with his brother.


_The Many Faceted Dean Winchester, Super Hero_

_T.R. Normandin_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural except for the DVD which is worn out from overuse. So much the sadder for me._

_Author's note: This is set in Season 2, and for once I think I got the ending better than the beginning. So bear with me here. _

"Kids are the best? You don't even like kids," Sam Winchester said skeptically to his brother Dean. It never failed to amaze him when his brother pulled another bad pick up line from his arsenal. He always thought he'd heard the stupidest pick up line, but Dean always surprised him. Sam expected a smirk from Dean and some comment about how the good looking brother could get away with cheesy lines, but to his surprise Dean had seemed mildly insulted and replied, "I love kids."

Sam had given him an _Oh, yeah? _look and responded flatly "Name three children that you even know." To which Dean had merely stared blankly. When Sam lifted an eyebrow at Dean, Dean huffed, "I'm thinking!" Sam had just given Dean a knowing look at that. He thought he'd understood his brother, thought he'd understood the subtext of the conversation. Sam had been certain at the time that it wasn't kids Dean loved, but their cute single mothers. That the line had been more about Andrea than Lucas.

But like many of the assumptions concerning his brother, Sam had found out he was wrong about Dean not liking kids. It had been Lucas who Dean had worried about. Dean had said "I just don't want to leave this town until I know that kid is okay," not "I just don't want to leave this town without having some one on one time with the kid's mother". Sam had scoffed at this, saying "Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?"

After all, a doppelganger or an alien replica seemed to be a better explanation than the fact that Dean Winchester could have feelings, or could be concerned about the happiness and welfare of someone who wasn't about to pay him back in tequila shots or makeout sessions. But now, after spending so much time on the road with his brother, Sam was beginning to think he'd been unfair in his assessment.

Because now Sam could name three children that Dean knew, as well as they ever knew anybody, and Dean had helped each of them. Dean had been the one to connect to them, even when Sam couldn't.

There had been a kid who had witnessed Jenkins' abduction right before Sam had been kidnapped by the Benders. His name was Evan, and he was traumatized by hearing the man's screams, and by having to relive the night over and over. Sam had tried to put on a reassuring smile, to let the kid know that he wouldn't be judged for what he told them, but he hadn't really connected with him. It was Dean who had got the kid to open up, with his debate over the merits of the various Godzilla movies.

Sam had thought at the time that Dean was wasting time, talking about useless movie trivia. But Evan had responded, had sensed a person he could trust and talk to in Dean. And he had given Dean useful information about the sound "the monster" made as it was pulling away from the parking lot which enabled Dean to find Sam, to save him, that Sam never would have been able to elicit from the child himself.

In the time he'd spent in the cage in the Benders' barn, Sam had had time to think about Dean's diversionary tactics, and it suddenly came back to him how Dean had used those same methods when he was a kid and scared to think about anything substantial. The first time he'd been hurt on a hunt (at the age of eleven, an age much later than Dean's first significant injury at the age of six, Sam reflected), Dean had sat beside him and engaged him in an argument about who made the best James Bond. Sam had been so indignant when Dean insisted that anyone other than Sean Connery was a lame imposter that he'd barely felt the stitches his father was putting in his side. Sam had meant to remind his brother of the conversation, to thank him, but he'd been distracted by the Benders and had forgotten all about it again.

Then there was Michael, who they had used as bait to trap the shtriga. Sam had thought they'd failed in reaching Michael, that no appeal was going to be sufficient, no assurances would be enough, to convince an eleven year old to risk his life. But he'd been wrong, again. Dean's simple admission that he was a big brother too, that the shtriga had attacked his little brother too, that he would do _anything _for his little brother, had struck a chord in Michael. Michael had trusted Dean, big brother to big brother. Again, Sam had meant to mention Dean's words to him, to assure him that he was grateful for the sacrifices Dean made for him, to assure his brother that he didn't blame him for what had happened with the shtriga. But Dean, as usual, had turned the focus back on Sam, when he'd told Sam that he wished he could have that innocent ignorance of the things in the night too, and the moment had been lost.

Finally, Sam's thoughts skipped back to Lucas Barr, who had been the one to inspire those words that started the whole thing. "I love kids." Lucas hadn't spoken a word since his father's death, despite coaxing from the people who knew and loved him best. But somehow Dean had gotten through to him. Dean had gotten Lucas to talk, had even inspired hero worship in the boy when Dean had first shown up just in time to save Lucas' mother from death and then had dove into the water of the cursed lake and saved Lucas as well. Lucas' parting words, "Zeppelin rules!" and the genuine smile on his face had warmed Sam's heart, until he'd seen the introspective, almost wistful look on his brother's face as they'd driven away. But Sam had followed the Winchester Code of Ethics and didn't bring up any question about what Dean was feeling.

Sam wonders, as he sits in the Impala, listening to Led Zeppelin, what it was that put that wistful look on Dean's face so many months ago. What did Dean see when he looked at Evan, Michael, and Lucas? Sam knew what he saw. He saw his brother. In Evan he'd seen Dean's need to have something that made sense, something that was constant, when the world was in chaos, even if it was just the irrefutability that the first of the Godzilla movies was the best. He also saw Dean's ability to lighten the mood, no matter how serious the situation was. In Michael, he saw Dean's determination to protect his baby brother from anything that might try to hurt him, no matter what the injury to himself might be. He saw Dean's smart ass humor and his bravery. And in Lucas, Sam saw Dean's vulnerability. Dean had seen one of his parents die, just like Lucas. He had withdrawn to a hidden place in his mind and refused to speak, just like Lucas. And Sam wouldn't be surprised if Dean's first words after his long silence had been "Zeppelin rules." That is, unless they were "If you hurt my brother I will kill you" or "Are you okay, Sammy?".

But Sam knows that Dean didn't see himself when he looks at those kids. He saw Sam. In Evan, Dean saw a scared little kid who needed a good laugh and a distraction from the monsters who crept around at night. In Michael, he'd seen a kid who had been robbed of his innocence through no fault of his own. And in Lucas, he'd seen a traumatized kid who thought his world would never be normal again.

Sam suddenly remembered another shy, quiet kid who'd announced, "Zeppelin Rules!" He'd been six years old and the topic for show and tell had been heroes. All of the kids in his class had dressed up as their heroes and got to tell the class about their costumes, and why the person they'd chosen was deserving of their idolatry. Sam had gone to class in a Led Zeppelin t shirt and torn jeans, a toy Chevy Impala in hand. He'd looked around at all of the kids dressed as Superman and Spiderman and the president and movie stars with smug disdain. Those heroes had nothing on his.

"Sam, who did you dress up as?" his teacher had asked quietly, after the rest of the class had made their speeches. Sam marched up to the front of the room, and one of his classmates had said "He didn't even dress up! He's wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt!" Sam had spun around to face the kid who'd spoken, indignance vibrating in his every move. "Zeppelin rules!" he had exclaimed.

"I _did _dress up. I dressed up as my big brother Dean. Dean is my hero cuz he always takes care of me. When I'm sick he puts a cloth on my head and feeds me soup. He chases away all of the monsters. He never tells me to shut up and always answers my questions. Dean knows more about music and movies than anyone I know and he loves me better'n anyone. I love him, too. That's why Dean is my hero," Sam had announced.

As the memory fades, Sam feels tears fill his eyes. He looks over at Dean, who is tapping out the melody on the steering wheel of the Impala. He has been unfair to his brother. He's grown up and forgotten what's important. He's let himself think that the Dean who everyone sees on the outside, the Dean of the cocky swagger and smartass comebacks, is all there is to his brother. But that's not all there is to Dean. There is the concerned looks, the gentle hand on the shoulder, the strong arms pulling him out of the fire, the determined shield from all of the supernatural threats to Sam's life. There's the tension breaking jokes and the undying devotion.

Sam can't let another moment to thank his brother pass him by. He knows Dean is falling apart these days, and knows that he is part of the problem. _I want you to promise me, Dean_. flitters through his head and _I can't. I'd rather die. _Sam looks at his brother and really sees him for the first time since they stood arguing with each other outside of Sam and Jess' apartment, and he wants to tell Dean that he loves him too, that he appreciates all that Dean does for him. But Sam can't find the words, and he's afraid Dean will brush him off. The song is coming to a close, and Sam can tell it's been silent in the Impala too long for Dean, that his brother is about to break the silence with a joke that will completely destroy Sam's opportunity to thank his brother for everything.

"Dean," Sam chokes out, and his brother looks at him and smiles genuinely, just glad to be there, on the open road, with his brother beside him. "What is it, Sammy?" Dean asks. "Zeppelin rules," Sam says, ducking his head. He looks up again sharply, hoping his brother can understand all the things he means by this. Dean's hand comes over and gives Sam's shoulder a squeeze, and then a light shove. "Suck up to me all you want, Bitch, but you're still getting the shower second at the next motel," he says. Sam laughs and shakes his head. Just like Dean to tell a joke when he is trying to be serious. But when they pull over to stop for gas, Dean teases him about liking Pierce Brosnan as James Bond, and Sam thinks maybe Dean really understands.


End file.
